Macropus pusillus
by BritishSarcasm
Summary: It's not everyday you wake up as a different species, and a miniature version of it to boot. Rated T just for swearing.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1 – Just one a' them days

He honestly couldn't remember a match that had transpired this badly, and it wasn't just his team; both BLU and RED were on very bad form, and I don't mean showing bad sportsmanship either.

He pushed his gold tinted aviators up his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose, still keeping at least one eye out for any straggling BLU members that happened to come into view below him. He'd already managed to get at least one headshot in for every class of the opposing team, and if it wasn't for the fact that he didn't like to brag he wouldn't have started a tally chart. However, what really irked him, apart from the easy shots, was that his own team was being just as careless, including himself - he really should use all of his senses, not just his sight, when he was holed up in his sniping post a good 40 feet above the ground.

You would think he'd be safe, or as safe as you can be with several questionably sane people running around the battle field with various kinds of artillery, perfectly capable of reaching him, but ironically enough it was the classes with short range weapons that had gotten him the most that day. Set on fire a handful of times by the incredibly gleeful BLU Pyro and backstabbed more times than he'd like to admit by the ever devious BLU Spy, but not before he'd managed to shiv the bastard in return mind you.

Peering around the scope on his rifle he caught a flash of light over in one of the top windows of the BLU warehouse.

"So that's where you've decided ta' go', hmm?" Sniper murmured, suddenly grinning as the thought of telling their Pyro where the BLU Sniper was and watching as the flame-loving fiend set the place alight.

"Yo, what you grinnin' at?"

Sniper blinked and turned round to face Scout who turned out to be a lot closer to him than he'd expected, causing him to flinch back slightly. How had the _Scout_, of all people, managed to get this close without him noticing, _abysmal Mundy, ruddy abysmal._

"What are ya' doin' up 'ere?" Sniper asked, raising the brim of his hat to get a good look at Scout, he didn't look like he had a mark on him.

"I asked ya' first, Snipes," Scout replied, grinning as he reached forward and flicked said hat.

"Could ya' get any more childish?" Sniper admonished, batting Scout away, "I was just wonderin' what kinda noise tha BLU Sniper would make if 'e was set on fire."

Scouts face went blank before he started laughing, obviously his own imagination had kicked in, to give him what appeared to be a rather mirthful scenario if him starting to howl with laughter was anything to go by.

"Oi! Keep it down would ya'? Yer gonna give away my position at this rate," Sniper quickly scanned the battlefield to assuage his paranoia, but didn't see anyone, anywhere in fact.

"Oh yeah! see, dats why I'm up here!" Scout said importantly.

"And 'ere was me thinking you'd just come ta' visit…" Sniper said sarcastically, but low enough so that Scout couldn't hear him.

"Battle's endin' early, looks like the BLUs have just stopped coming out of dere respawn, see? and we can't get to dem dere… so we're just gonna root out any stragglers left out on da pitch, wanna help out?" Scout grinned, as if the idea of dragging people from their hiding places and then beating them to death, when they were specifically trying to avoid people, was the best fun anyone could have.

Sniper was instantly reminded of a man he'd seen when he was a boy, obviously not from Australia as he was poking his hand into a den of newly born Dingo cubs, clearly trying to weedle them out so he could have a look at them. Half of him said that he should tell him to stop being so stupid, but the man hadn't listened.

Stupid wanker had got what was coming to him when the Dingo's mother returned.

"As delightful as that sounds Scout, I think I'll be on my way back," Sniper replied, swinging his now unloaded rifle across his shoulder and picking his kukri up off the floor.

"Pfft! Fine, be borin', Hard Hat said he wasn't interested either," Scout whined.

The youngest team member kicked the floor and dragged his feet as he left grumbling something that sounded like 'boring ol people'.

Sniper shook his head smiling slightly and leaned out of the window, catching a glimpse of a fast moving and loud mouthed red blur as it streaked off straight towards the warehouse. Sniper winced, even though the blighter was on the enemy team he wouldn't want to be his mirror version, trapped in a warehouse with a very hyperactive and destructive Scout.

He was half way down from his post when he heard a very distinctive 'Bloody 'ell!' the sound of breaking glass and Scouts shouts of dismay, 'Aww, come on man, I had ya fair and square!'

Apparently, the BLU Sniper had decided that throwing himself out through a window and into an open space was probably the best thing to do in that situation; the RED Sniper was inclined to agree.

* * *

Finally back on the ground, he was heading towards Engineer's garage when there was a scuffling noise behind him. Turning round he was confronted with several crates stacked up on eachother, haphazardly covered with a tarpaulin. He circled the boxes and found the BLU Medic crouching behind the stacks, back facing him, clearly expecting Sniper to come at him from around the other side. Sniper could only imagine the amount of glee that the RED Spy would be feeling as he was presented with such an easy opportunity.

The BLU Medic suddenly decided it was time to check his blind spot before moving anywhere and looked round, bringing his syringe gun into view too. He took him a fraction of a second to realise there was a RED team member standing behind him before pulling the trigger and aiming in Sniper's general direction. Nothing happened.

At the same time, the Medic reached for a reload and Sniper drew his kukri, despite his earlier misgivings at hunting them down; he had been shot at first, or at least, the intention had been there. Advancing on the BLU Medic aiming for his ribcage, the Medic finally reloaded his syringe gun without even looking at his ammunition and fired point blank into Snipers abdomen. Now, he remembered underestimating the syringe gun at first, only to find out that those buggers hurt, a lot, but he never remembered them make him feel queasy or light headed. He was also slightly disconcerted by the look of puzzlement on the BLU Medics face as he eyed the ammo in his syringe gun. Oh god what had the deranged man shot him with?

Sniper was suddenly aware that he now lying on the floor, not quite sure when his brain had lost contact with his legs, or the rest of his body for that matter. He glanced back up at the Medic who was now on his feet, staring down at him with a mixture of apprehension and … curiosity?

* * *

"Dokter! I has found skinny man!"

"Aye, the laddy donne look too well, if ya' ask me"

"So I see, hmm… zat shouldn't have caused him to pass out…"

"Oh wow, knocked out by a Medic, dat's kinda embarrassin'"

"And _vat_ do you mean by zat?"

"Oh, er, nothing' doc! it's just that, er, well, yer ain't exactly de most physically dangerous on da battlefield, out of all of us"

"Son, if I were you, I would stop talkin'"

"Shutting."

Sniper sighed heavily, bringing an arm up over his face, he didn't feel his shades.

"Oh, I do believe zat the ruffian is waking up"

Sniper felt the ground thump beneath him as someone knelt down next to him, turning his head towards the source he opened his eyes and saw the Engineer, who had his glasses in his gloved hand, with his goggles raised onto his helmet. _Damn, how bad is it?_

Groaning and trying to work a rather weird aftertaste in his mouth he sat up, hearing a clinking noise to his left, he looked away from the Engineer, after the man placed his shades back onto his face, to follow the little syringe's progress. Suddenly he felt rather foolish; how had that tiny little thing brought him down?

He picked up the offending little piece of equipment and studied it, it suddenly occurring to him that he must have been tranquilized.

"I didn't know we we're allowed ta' use tranqs in these battles," He said quietly.

"God forbid if you were ever allowed to use zose horrible zings," Spy sniffed, he had been on the business end of a tranquilizer gun before, the effects wearing off had not been pleasant.

"Nah, I've grown ta' quite like seeing people 'eads explode," Sniper nonchalantly replied.

Spy snorted as Medic took the syringe from the Sniper's hand and Engineer pulled him to his feet, keeping a firm grip on his shoulder as he wobbled slightly from the sudden gain of height.

"Hmm, I can look into zis, herr Sniper, if you vish," Medic asked, further examining the suspicious tube of glass and metal, "sleeper agents are not allowed on ze battlefield and ze Administrator would probably like to be informed of zis."

"Nah mate, leave it," Sniper sighed, dusting himself off now that Engineer had deemed him worthy of standing by himself, "my own stupid fault for gettin' that close to the blighter in tha first place."

"And he doesn't want to admit dat a Medic got to him," Scout whispered behind his hand to Soldier standing next to him.

Sniper slapped him around the back of the head.

* * *

Although he didn't feel light headed, like he had done immediately after being shot by the BLU Medic, he still felt queasy, deciding to forego food and instead brought some with him to give to Engineer as he was still working in his garage.

He pushed open the garage door with his foot and walked in, having to duck quickly as a rather large bolt came sailing his way.

"Oh shoot! Didn't mean to do that, Slim," a tower of crates to Sniper's right explained.

Out from behind the crates the short form of the Engineer appeared, covered in dust and oil, but never-the-less beaming, as he came to reclaim his lost piece of metal.

"And I thought I was bein' nice by bringin' you ya' food," Sniper asked, in a mock hurt tone.

Engineer responded by pushing Snipers hat down over his face and walking back to his work bench. Chuckling, Sniper followed and put Engineers plate to one side, where there was a clear space in general mess and clutter of several days' work that had accumulated and spilled past their once organised confines across the workspace.

"Whatcha workin' on?" Sniper leaned over Engineer sitting on a couple of crates so he could see the blueprints tacked to the desk.

"Ye ask me that every time ye come here, but do ye actually understand anything I tell ya?" Engineer leaned back to look up at Sniper.

"…Not really"

Engineer grinned.

"But I know you like explainin' it all tha same, and I doubt anyone else sits here and listens to ya', now do they?" Sniper asked, hands on hips as if daring Engineer to prove him wrong.

"Well, ya' got me there, Slim, I think Scout managed 30 seconds before he near enough exploded and screamed 'I can't take dis anymore!' and legged it, and don't even get me started on Soldier, poor mans brain must have shut down with the information overload."

"What about Pyro?" Sniper asked, dragging a spare crate over to the worktop and sitting down on it, facing Engineer.

"Surprisingly, the lil' fella never seems to come round here, huh, maybe he's worried the temptation of so much oil about the place would set him off."

Sniper nodded, that made sense. He stifled a yawn he hadn't noticed coming.

"Hey up, I havn't even started yet!" Engineer laughed, eyeing the Sniper as his yawn became uncontainable.

"Sorry mate, I guess I'm still feelin' a bit iffy from before," he rubbed the back of his neck, eyes closed trying to ignore his brain pleading with his conscious side to just shut down.

Engineer's face became pensive. Sniper wouldn't admit that to just anyone; anyone else would have suggested a trip to see Medic, especially after being found unconscious, but Engineer knew how much the Sniper, not so much hated, but preferred to stay out of the Medbay. He liked to take care of himself, which the Engineer could respect, but he decided that he may as well try and give him some of his own advice.

"Ya' know Mundy, maybe ye should just go and get some shut eye, maybe there's still some tranquillizer in your system that your body is trying to work out. I know-" Engineer raised his voice over what was going to be Sniper objecting. "- that ye'd probably prefer to just shrug it off as nothing, and get on with things, but knowing you, ye'd walk off to god knows where on one of ye little 'walks' and collapse as ye need for sleep won out over ye stubbornness, don't argue with me, ye know I'm right!"

Sniper looked ready to give it a shot anyhow, but in the end he sighed, taking of his hat he ran his fingers through his hair and tried to straighten out his neck.

"Are you sure, ya' can't fix humans, there Dell?" Sniper queried, looking at Engineer out the corner of his eyes.

"Pretty sure, only machines, but I do get lucky now and then, especially with you, or is that just because ye don't understand people either?" Engineer grinned again, poking Sniper in the arm as he could see the taller man starting to drift off where he sat, "come on now, none of that, can't have ye fallin' asleep in here, ye'd never get any peace."

Sniper scratched his head and put his hat back on, standing up he clicked his back and shoulders.

"Scouts right, I am old," he yawned again.

"Oh please, if that little yank calls me old one more time his face is gonna get mighty acquainted with mah wrench."

* * *

Sniper had walked out of the warehouse doors, at the back of Engineers garage, and continued on to his van. He didn't care what anyone said about it, there was nowhere else he felt safer, nowhere else he could fully let his shields down and not be on constant alert, keeping an eye on his peripherals.

Lately he had taken to sleeping outside, shoving his mattress out onto the sandy ground, followed by a pillow and a blanket, he'd constructed a low wall of crates at the head and end of his newly constructed bed and would simply lie awake looking at the stars. They were so far away from any nearby towns that there was no night pollution.

_Just like home._

Of course, the stars and constellations he saw here where in a different order and some were the wrong way round, but it was peaceful all the same.

Kicking his shoes off, he heard them come to rest with a thunk against the crates at the end of his bed and he threw himself on top of the blanket. He just had enough energy to pull the blanket out from underneath him and throw it over himself; he didn't even have a chance to think about taking his aviators or hat off, let alone the rest of his clothes, he was already asleep.

* * *

Some time later he opened his eyes only to be met with an all consuming darkness, he tried opening his eyes wider, as if that would solve the problem. It didn't.

Either he was blind, or the blanket had eaten him and, honestly, he was hoping it was the latter.

* * *

**If anyone knows what the title means congratulations to you - I would just warn y'all that this is my first TF2 fanfic and I'm not used to writing accents yet, so please forgive me if they suddenly drop out in certain words.**

**I would also mention there's no pairings in this, just manly friendship, and if there was going to be any pairings it would be SniperEngy, so there.  
**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 – Panicking is completely justified 

He remembered having an incredibly strange dream. At first it was rather boring, just him taking a cup of coffee with him to his chosen sniping post for that day, when the BLU Medic had darted out from behind a cactus – which Sniper hadn't even noticed until now – and hit him upside the face with a frying pan. The next part had left the realms of reality entirely. He stood on a large expanse of black sand, or at least he assumed it was as he couldn't see very far, with what sounded like the distinctive tones of a Didgeridoo drifting across the void. He was staring at a fire that occasionally spit out sparks and smoke, that tumbled and morphed into animal shapes and intricate patterns, stalking and dancing their way around him, the bass like sounds increasing in volume. Suddenly, the smoke creatures became savage, the fire winked out of existence, to be replaced by a single hovering eye that opened and stared right through him.

This dream, coupled with the fact that he was seriously considering whether his blanket had eaten him or not, made him wonder what the Scout might have put in his coffee yesterday.

_Or maybe it was whatever the hell that damn Medic shot me with_.

He put his arms out in front of him, testing for any sort of barrier across his sight; his hands encountered fabric, quite heavy fabric too. A sudden thought of being put in a body bag crossed his mind, a short burst of panic following close after it; he hated enclosed spaces. If he didn't know where the exits were or he couldn't freely moves his arms and legs without being obstructed, there was going to be a problem for him. But his panic diminished when he shifted his arms to the sides, they lay flat across his makeshift bed.

He pushed himself up, with a bit more difficulty then usual, he felt different somehow and disorientated. He brought his hands up to pat himself down and felt thick material; he forgot he was still wearing his jacket. He was about to roll over and try to escape his duvet when his hand brushed against his waist.

He let out a yelp; he had felt something with fur, at first he thought a desert animal had decided to curl up next to him in the middle of the night, thinking it warm and safe. It wasn't until his brain recognised that his body had felt his own hand touch him that horror set in.

His eyes had slowly become accustomed to the low light levels and he could just about make out the patterns on his blanket. They were a lot bigger than he remembered.

He scrambled out from underneath the blanket, or at least tried to, his legs didn't seem to want to co-operate all too well. He poked his head out into the fresh air and was immediately aware of how much longer his nose felt. Dragging himself out fully he braced himself and looked down.

He wasn't human.

Now, Sniper wasn't a man who would dissolve into hysterics over every little thing, he'd rather grit his teeth and get things sorted. However, it wasn't everyday that you turned into a Kangaroo, and a tiny kangaroo at that.

The noise that escaped him sounded like a bird being put through a grinder.

He continued making rather unearthly sounds, before he clasped his hands - paws? - around his nose - snout? - and started to hyperventilate. He didn't try the age old trick of pinching yourself to try and wake up, he could always tell when he really was awake, and unfortunately he was most certainly awake at the moment. A lesser man would have perhaps broken down into tears at this point, he certainly felt like crying but he'd be damned if he was going to give into that temptation. He took his paws away from his mouth and started tapping his elongated feet on the ground, he'd heard and seen rather a few supernatural events since being employed by Redmond Mann, maybe this was reversible.

"Looks like ya' actually gonna 'ave ta ask someone else for 'elp… !" Sniper clapped his paws over his mouth again.

Instead of English, all that came out of his mouth was a series of tutting noises at various pitches. His paws fell to his sides as he let out a slight growl.

_I can't even speak English, how the in bloody hell am I supposed to ask anyone for help?_

Another thought occurred to him, how was he going to get anyone to realise what had happened to him? He took stock of his appearance again and was baffled to notice that the world was still tinted yellow; his shades had shrunk with him, and judging by the slight weight on his head, so had his hat. He already knew he was still wearing his jacket. He looked up at the steadily lightening sky with a quizzical expression, as if wondering whether the answer to his miniaturized clothes, or why he even still had them, was going to come from up there. Alas, no.

He snorted and put a rather determined expression on his face - time to deal with the situation. Getting a plan sorted out in his head he pushed himself up and balanced on his now ridiculously long feet, now realising that he also had a tail to contend with too. He glared at it.

Straightening his hat, he lifted one foot and went to take his first step towards the RED barracks. Apparently, kangaroos weren't designed for step by step motion, go figure. He ended up sprawled back on the dusty ground, his nose buried in the dirt - discovering quite suddenly that his snout was very sensitive.

He sat back on his haunches clutching his nose yet again, now glaring at his feet.

_Of course, Kangaroos hop you idiot and you call yourself Australian._

* * *

After testing several methods of locomotion and coming to the conclusion that, yes, hopping _was_ the most effective way, quite fast too once he got the hang of it.

He hopped around his camper van and even managed to manoeuvre himself to jumping up onto one of the crates. Now he had to cover the distance between him and the door to the barracks.

He was about halfway there when he heard a hissing noise. Hoping to any deity that existed that it was just Engineer doing some early work in the garage he turned to face the sound. Instead he found a pair of narrowed dark eyes and the black, shiny, serpentine body of a Mexican Black Kingsnake. While they never reached the gargantuan sizes of some snake species he knew of, it was still a good 5 times longer than he was. He wondered whether he'd be able to out run it, or rather, out hop it.

He had just tensed the muscles in his new legs to send him springing away when he was saved by a rather unexpected source. He was clutched gently in thick black gloves and held against a red asbestos suit, glancing up he caught sight of the ever present gas mask worn by, none other than, Pyro.

Pyro had been out for a morning stroll, despite what others may think of him, he retained some normality in his daily routines, having a walk when there was no-one else around was one of them. He had been heading out in no specific direction when he caught sight of a gerbil like creature being stared down by an ominously black snake; he decided to let the prey win for once. Lucky Sniper.

Pyro stood there, one hand around the 'gerbil' and the other hand wagging a finger at the offending snake, even though it hadn't done anything more than look at him. He tapped the tiny kangaroo on the head, much to Snipers irritation, and tugged on his jacket.

"ywr fwnny lwhkin," Pyro said, the gas mask effectively cutting off most peoples hope of understanding a single word he said, "mwyb ywr hwn hf snhypwrs phts"

Sniper didn't have a clue what the Pyro had actually said but he heard the words "funny looking", "Sniper" and "pet". He frowned, looking like this was bad enough, but being called a pet was just a low blow, and who the hell did the Pyro think he was.

_Because that's exactly what I spend my free time doing_, he thought sarcastically, _making little desert critters look like me_

He rolled his eyes as the Pyro turned round and made his way back indoors. Well, at least now he didn't have to come up with a way of opening the door by _himself_.

* * *

Placing the 'gerbil' down on the kitchen table, the Pyro cocked his head to one side to look at him, patted him on the head again and skipped off out of the kitchen. Yes, that's right, he skipped. The flame loving, insane asbestos suit wearing man skips from place to place when no-one was looking it seems. If the Sniper hadn't had his own problem he would have found this new piece of information rather startling. As it was…

There was a sudden thunk behind him as a large bottle was set down on the table, with perhaps more force than necessary, then again, the owner of said bottle didn't have that much self control at the moment it seemed.

Sniper considered whether he had seriously offended the fates somehow; the first two people he had encountered from his team were hopeless in any attempts to help him make sense of the situation.

The Demoman looked at the miniature kangaroo, took a seat, still staring at him, and then raised a finger to give him a good poke. Sniper resisted against the jab, looking straight back at the Scottish Cyclops with an expression that clearly indicated that he was less than impressed. Demoman, being fantastically wasted at 6 o'clock in the morning, ignored this. He seemed to combat any chance at getting a hangover by simply never leaving his drunken state.

"Aye, ye be a wee little hopper there, ey?" Demoman took a swig from the bottle he had placed on the table and took on a thoughtful expression.

Sniper would have laughed if his current circumstances weren't so serious; watching the Demoman think was probably one of the greatest examples of an oxymoron he'd seen.

"I wonder if ol' Aussie coulde tell me what ye are?"

_See what I mean about the oxymoron thing?_

Demoman suddenly snatched him up and popped him on his shoulder, getting up from his seat he swaggered out into the hallway. While the Sniper was getting rather fed up of the sudden picking up of his person he was starting to become quite grateful for the free rides he was getting from A to B.

His sudden appreciation for this new mode of travel was cut short, however, as Demoman took a right and walked straight into the Medbay, where their Medic was set at his desk studying the little syringe Sniper had been shot with yesterday.

"Oy up boyo, look what I just found meself"

Sniper made a split second decision; he flung himself off of Demoman's shoulders and onto a shelf containing several books on anatomy and a rather disturbing book on the Applications of Genetic Splicing.

"Vhat is it now herr Demo?" the Medic asked tiredly, turning round in his chair and peering over his glasses.

By way of answer the Demoman simply pointed to his shoulder, a grin overcoming his face. Medic continued to look over his spectacles at him, blinked, and then pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Again?" Medic said exasperated, "zat's it! I am coming to conviscate that blasted poison you call alcohol"

"NOOOO! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE THEM ALIVE!" Demo bolted from the room, very intent on saving his defenceless stash.

Medic sighed, heaved himself out of his chair and followed at a more sedate pace.

"Archimedes?" he called from down the hallway.

Obediently, the dove fluttered out of the Medbay from the shelf above Sniper and flew off after his master. Sniper vaguely wondered where the other doves were, they usually stayed in flocks, but turned his mind to more pressing matters; how was he going to get down from here and why had he hidden from the Medic? The answer came to him almost immediately.

_He would have had an absolute field day._

No, it was better he found someone a little more sane and a little less experiment happy. He looked down over the edge of the shelf he was currently stood on; he saw several piles of books, a filing cabinet with a fish tank on top of it, but most importantly, another shelf about a foot below him. He shuffled over to the end of his shelf, lined up his jump, flicked his tail to make sure it wouldn't get caught on anything and leaped. His aim was perfect, as it damn well should have been, what he wasn't counting on was Medics abysmal DIY skills. The shelf wasn't fixed to the brackets supporting it. He landed on one end and the entire thing flipped up, unbalanced by his weight, sending him falling into the fish tank, the shelf coming to rest across the top of it.

_Thank god Kangaroos can swim_, Sniper thought, opening his eyes in the water he looked around.

The base of the tank was covered in small pebbles, all differing shades of grey, a couple of shells, a rather large conch shell in one corner, and several long bright green weeds, fluttering in the gentle breeze caused by the water pump, making sure the salty water didn't stagnate. He was starting to enjoy the feeling of weightlessness when two thoughts struck him consecutively.

_I need to breathe_, and, _damn, now this stupid fur is gonna clump together._

He was about to kick his feet to send him up through the water when a sharp pain clamped around the tip of his tail. He twisted round to see what was preventing him from getting his much needed oxygen. It was a crab; a small, smooth, faintly striped _blue_ crab, with a peach coloured patch across the front of its body and around its eyes. Sniper could honestly say he'd never seen anything like it, which was saying something for him, as he'd encountered many obscure creatures during his life.

But one thing was certain; this crab was not happy with him invading his home.

* * *

**...And I've just lost all the readers who didn't work out where this was going from the Title and Summary ... heheheh ^^;  
Yes, you can all probably guess just whose tank Sniper just fell into - I couldn't resist, and it made my friend Aaron happy  
Oh hell yeah, 3 out of 4 exams done, just one to go!  
**


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 – Problems, problems everywhere

As if to further emphasise just how unimpressed this blue crab was, it started to pull Sniper further underwater. Already starting to feel his body come to terms with the lack of oxygen he tried to kick the claw off him, but the crab simply held on tighter making the Sniper wince. He twisted around and managed to worm his paws in-between the pincers and began levering them apart, but just as he managed to pry them apart far enough to get his tail free, the crab, that Sniper now recognised looked a bit like a Spy, let go and scuttled back slightly. Curious as to what had made the grumpy little crab back off, Sniper turned round, or at least he tried to but a tentacle with a vice like grip, wrapped around his middle, twisted him round for him.

Sniper let out a shout, or rather a large cloud of bubbles, and stared back at the monstrosity that was barely a few centimetres from his own face. He was looking at the BLU Spy, or at least he thought he was.

_And I thought what I had was bad_

The Spy-thing was twice as big as him, in his tiny kangaroo form, and had the head and torso of the regular BLU Spy, what was strange was that his waist merged into that of some kind of Cephalopoda; eight, long, mottled blue tentacles spread out beneath him, webbing in between them near his hips. It narrowed it's eyes at the sudden intruder, bearing it's teeth at the Sniper, which he noticed with a feeling of dread, looked more like a set belonging to a Great White Shark. The grip it had around him tightened as he was pressed up against the sides of the tank, oxygen deprivation making light spots appear in his sight as the TentaSpy opened his mouth, revealing rows of pearly sharp teeth.

_Nope._

Sniper brought his back feet up and kicked the TentaSpy hard in the abdomen. Had they not been in water the kick would probably have left the TentaSpy with more than a few ruptured organs, as it was the beastly hybrid quickly let his 'prey' go and propelled himself away behind the conch shell. The small Crab seemed rather surprised by this turn of events and quickly scuttled after the TentaSpy, clearly not wishing to receive the same treatment as his fellow mutant.

Propelling himself up and squeezing past the shelf, Sniper threw his arms over the edge of the tank and drew in a lung full of air, which he then had to cough out again as he inhaled some water.

_What the hell is wrong with our Medics? _

He pulled his hat off his head and rung it out, the steady stream of water falling back into the tank. He wiped off his aviators and rubbed a paw through his hair, water was flicked everywhere but he didn't care, Medic would just assume his spliced pets had tried to escape, and not for the first time probably. He sighed, placing his hat back on his head, pushing his aviators back up his snout and trying to swing his feet over the edge of the tank, which was turning out to be far more difficult than he first thought.

After falling back into the tank for the fourth time he was starting to get rather frustrated, usually he had a lot of patience, it was rather necessary for his profession, but he felt perfectly justified after the morning he'd had. He growled slightly, grabbing the edge of the tank, lowering himself back into the water and then kicking down and hauling himself upwards at the same time. The result was half of him being pushed out and the other half falling after him as his balance shifted.

"Woah there!"

Sniper fell into someone's hat, a yellow hard hat to be precise. Sniper righted himself by rolling over onto his back and looked up into Engineers face, who had his arms outstretched holding his hat out to catch him.

_Good God I could sing._

If there was someone who could help him out and have a chance at recognising him it was the Engineer. Sniper started to jump up and down, waving his arms energetically, pointing at his hat, his face and then at Engineer, then repeating the process.

"Hey, hey, slow down there little fella, don't want to hurt yeself now do ya'?"

Engineer brought his hat up to eye-level to give the strange creature a better look, he noticed the hat and jacket almost immediately. He frowned slightly, looking at the tiny kangaroo closer before a noise behind him made him swivel round hiding the hat and it's occupant behind his back.

"MAGGOT! … you haven't seen the Oz Cupcake have you?"

Soldier had poked his helmeted head into the Medbay and upon spotting the Engineer had felt the need to send his voice reverberating through the air at an unnecessary level of decibels.

"No... I haven't actually, he wasn't by his Van this morning, I assumed he'd gone out for target practice..." Engineer said perplexed.

"Negative, lay-about has shirked his duties! This will not be tolerated, not in my Team!"

"I'm sure he hasn't … maybe he went to find Medic, side-effects from yesterday maybe?"

The Soldier jutted out his chin, apparently thinking this scenario over.

"That excuse may be acceptable! I'll go find Medic!"

Soldier did a full 180 out of the room and marched off down the hallway. Engineer sent a quick glance at his hat then heard shouting further down the corridor and the curt German tones of their Medic.

"Nein, I have not seen herr Sniper... is he not in ze shooting range?"

Engineer decided it was probably time to go, taking the mini kangaroo with him, before Soldier clicked that the information Engineer had given him turned out to be useless and came back to grill him some more.

Engineer hurried on through the kitchen only to come to a halt and walk back very slowly, leaning back to look over at the work counter. Scout was there, dancing. Shuffling and sliding along the floor by the cabinets, one hand strumming across his baseball bat and the other fingering the imaginary frets of a guitar, Engineer could just make out the sounds of music coming out of the radio propped on top of the toaster.

Both Engineer and the Sniper's jaws dropped, luckily the Scout didn't have his eyes open, spinning around and strumming even harder as as a rather impressive guitar rift exited the radio. Scout suddenly stopped mid swing, leg still extended and turned his head slowly to face Engineer, who was still half in and half out of the doorway, one hand holding his goggles up over his forehead.

"...mornin', Hard Hat" Scout said, still poised for further movement.

"...mornin'..." Engineer replied.

Engineer backed out of the room, only breaking eye contact when he'd gone past the wall, hurrying his way quickly to his garage and closing the doors, then decided to lock it in case Scout decided to take his show elsewhere.

* * *

Engineer placed his hat down on the workbench, letting the little kangaroo jump out onto his desk, before putting it back on his head. He sat down on the crate he had sat on yesterday, next to the one the Sniper had dragged over the previous evening. Sniper had a sudden idea.

He jumped off the desk and onto his crate, taking off his hat, he exaggerated a massive yawn. The Engineer blinked at him, chin resting in the palm of his hand, elbow on the desk.

"Tired little fella?"

Sniper could have screamed with frustration. How couldn't anyone notice that he was, first off all, a tiny kangaroo, and second of all, wearing clothes that their own Sniper wore on a daily basis. Ok, so he could be palmed off as some sort of rodent, but everything else? Unlikely.

Sighing, Snipers ears flattened themselves against his head, starting to resign himself to the possibility that he may be stuck like this for a lot longer than he had originally hoped. He flicked his feet out from underneath him, sitting back on his haunches and clutching his hat. He sent a paw through his hair out of habit, but the Engineer raised his head as he watched him. Curious, he tugged on the little kangaroos jacket, Sniper responded by simply looking at the offending finger. Engineer moved on to trying to remove the aviators from the mini marsupials snout, but little paws came to bat his finger away before he got too close. Sniper looked at him with a reproachful expression, even if he didn't know it was him, you still didn't go poking a small creature in the face.

"...Mundy?" Engineer placed his hand down by Sniper, palm up, "it is you isn't it?"

Sniper couldn't believe his ears. He hopped onto his hand and was lifted up to eye level, Engineers jaw dropped slightly staring at him with incredulity, then he smiled.

"Don't ye' worry now, Slim, I'll help ye' get back, just ye' wait, after all," Engineer placed Sniper on top of his hat, "I would call this a practical problem."

* * *

"Now ye wait here, I'm just gonna- I mean it, Slim! - just gonna fetch the Medic, we're gonna need his help," Engineer explained, picking Sniper up gently and placing him on the Kitchen counter top, he stood back, hands on hips just looking at him, "I think i'm gonna call ye Sniperoo from now on."

Engineer chortled as Sniper hunched his shoulders and made fists with his paws by his sides, clearly not impressed with the nickname. Engineer left the kitchen, on his way to locate a certain German, leaving Sniper alone in the kitchen and feeling rather vulnerable all of a sudden. It wasn't a feeling he liked. He recognised this feeling his sixth sense was producing when the RED Spy decloaked from the corner of the kitchen.

_Why? Why is he cloaking in his own base? And the rest of the team wonder why I don't like him._..

"Well, well, well," the crafty Frenchman said, placing a cigarette in his mouth and lighting it, "you really have gotten yourself into a sorry state, now haven't you, ruffian?"

Sniper snorted by way of a response, folding his arms across his chest, sitting back on his haunches and eyeing the Spy defiantly.

"Tut tut tut," the Spy wagged a finger at him, "no need to be so defensive zere, ruffian, I was merely acknowledging your current predicament."

_Smarmy bastard._

"You're very lucky zat ze Engineer recognised you, non? Goodness knows what might have happened if he hadn't, with you being so defenceless and all..."

Sniper gritted his teeth, had he been human his fist would be resting somewhere between the Spy's molars by now, but he refused to show any evidence that the Spy's words were effecting him more than raising an eyebrow, if kangaroos even had eyebrows. He hadn't noticed the Spy moving towards the counter and picking something up.

"Speaking of defenceless..."

The Spy lunged for the Sniper, picking him up by the back of his jacket. Sniper flailed his legs, which were completely useless when not on the ground, and tried to reach behind him and pry the Spy off him, with little success.

"Lets see how you like it, _Jarman_," Spy hissed, letting go of the Sniper as he fell into an empty old jam jar.

Spy had just closed the lid on the jar when Engineer, Medic and, predictably enough, Heavy came round the corner.

"-in the syringe must have done it to him, so the BLU medic must know- SPAH!" Engineer had shouted the man's name, but his eyes were focused on the Sniper, who was furiously beating away at the lid of the jar.

"Spah, you let him out right now!" Engineer snarled, striding over and reaching for the jar.

Spy, however, had other ideas, using the advantage he held over the Engineer; height. He raised the jar above his head, glancing down at the Engineer.

"Oh, you mean this jar?" Spy's eyes drifted up to the jar in question, it's occupant now clawing at the seals.

"Ye know perfectly well which jar, damn you!" Engineer knew he couldn't reach but he tried anyway, only to have the Spy lean away and place the Sniper on a high shelf.

"What's goin' on in dis place?" Scout had entered the kitchen now, drawn in by the loud noises like a moth to a flame, with none other than the flame loving Pyro standing close behind him.

"You stay out of it, grasshopper," Engineer said, swinging his arm out to prevent the Scout from moving any closer.

"Herr Engineer, I think you should..." the Medics words went unnoticed, however, as Engineer continued his shouting match with the Spy, or rather _at_ the Spy while the said Frenchman continued to look infuriatingly smug about the situation, "Heavy could you...?"

Medic gestured at the jar placed up on the shelf, it's captive now throwing himself at the sides of the jar with ever decreasing gusto. Sniper was getting weaker for some reason. With a stab of horror he realised that the Spy had put the lid on so well that it had become air tight; he was suffocating. Heavy returned with the jar in hand and the Medic grabbed it quickly, immediately trying to pry the lid off, without much success.

"It's not my fault the team hates ye', all ye' do is sneak around all the time!"

"I take offence at zat, it is part of my job, you know"

"Not when we're off the clock it ain't"

"Conagher !" Medic grunted, _still_ trying to twist the lid off.

Engineer looked round to see Medic struggling with the jar, Heavy looking increasingly worried and confused, Scout looking at Pyro wondering why there was so much drama over a 'fucking jar' and Soldier with Demo, popped round the kitchen doorway, probably to find the people making more noise than themselves.

Sniper was slumped at the bottom of the jar, occasionally raising a paw and beating the sides of his prison.

Heavy decided to take action; it may not have been well thought out or complicated, short and to the point was more his style, but it was damn effective. He raised the jar above his head and threw it at the ground, the glass shattering in all directions across the floor.

A tiny kangaroo lay motionless in the broken remains.

* * *

**Why do my favourite characters always get put in horrible situations? I don't even really mean to, it just makes the story more exciting (?) I guess, but I had the 'Sniperoo in a Jar' thing before I wrote Chapter 1 so...**

**Also, I could probably bullshit the science behind the SpyCrab and the TentaSpy, but I won't, because I'm not sure how I would explain the mask pattern on the crabs face by genetics alone, unless the Spy was born wearing it. But the best explanation of TentaSpy I've read, I think, would come from Demonfox38 - never thought of it like that before.  
****  
This took an entire day to write but then again I was talking to friends in the same room and *cough* revising *cough* - Hey there Kaida and Scheme! the TentaSpy is totally your fault  
**


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 – Hello, my name is Sniperoo

If you had asked him, Sniper wouldn't be able to fully explain what suffocating felt like, but he supposed it was like pressure building inside of you, causing your head to feel foggy and the muscles around your rib cage to ache. All the while the panic was slowly filling you, as, in the final moments, your brain let go of any conscious thought and the subconscious, with the primal desire to live, no matter the cost, took over. Unfortunately for the Sniper, whilst being trapped in a glass jar, at just under 20cm tall there wasn't much he could do, rational thinking or not, and eventually his brain started to shut down with the lack of oxygen, his muscles weakened and stopped responding, thoughts blended together and Sniper didn't exist.

_That was not pleasant._

All in all, not one of his more preferred ways to die, the Sniper concluded.

He knew he was awake, he always knew, but that didn't mean he had to let anyone else know he was awake. He'd used this trick several times, more often than not against other humans; it didn't seem to work so well against animals, another baser instinct that humanity had given up on through evolution and in the process of becoming self aware.

Slowly his hearing seemed to return to him, or was it always there since he'd woken and he simply hadn't acknowledged it? Sniper was never one for introspective thoughts; then again, it had been a while since he'd had a near death experience. Using the respawn technology had made him forget how oddly exhilarating it felt to wake up again. He took in a lungful of air suddenly aware of how he_ could _do just that, and that he'd taken breathing for granted.

_When did I start taking living for granted?_

The irony was that working for RED had actually started to soften him. He couldn't say he regretted that, he didn't, well perhaps a little, but before all of this, he'd considered himself rather in tune with his surroundings, he understood how nature worked a lot better than most people, even those who called themselves experts. You could never really grasp something from just reading it in a book, you had to go out and experience it, live with it, survive it, respect it.

_Stop it, Mundy_.

He opened his eyes. He was in the MedBay, go figure, but he wasn't on a bed, or, at least, not a conventional one. He seemed to have been placed in the middle of a single pillow on the Medics desk, just to left of the tank containing the Spy-things. Said Spy-things were watching him from the safety of their little water world, the SpyCrab even had his claws raised up around his face pressed against the glass, like a person would surround their face to block out light from within the room.

Grunting slightly, Sniper rolled over and levered himself up enough to get his feet under him and stand, balancing his shift in weight with his tail. After he had shuffled off the pillow, he hopped over to the side of the table and looked up at the occupants of the tank. The Cephalopoda-esque Spy bared his many teeth at the Sniper; clearly it was intelligent enough to recognise his face.

_Or maybe I'm giving that thing too much credit, it could just be pissed that someone is coming close to it._

Eventually the TentaSpy flipped over backwards and propelled himself away, but the little SpyCrab remained staring back down at the Sniper. If the little bugger hadn't nearly drowned him earlier he would have felt slightly sympathetic towards it, at least he could bounce around wherever he liked - he wasn't caged in anyway. Handicapped in this form? yes. Trapped? no.

"Looks like Herr Sniper is back up and hopping about"

Sniper turned to face the door where the Medic was standing; pushing his glasses back up his nose and scrutinizing the little kangaroo on his desk as if he were a new and interesting puzzle.

"He's awake?"

Engineer skidded into the room, with Soldier close behind who peered comically over the Engineers shoulder, but given the latter's lack of height it wasn't that difficult for the Soldier. Sniper bounced over to the desks edge and Engineer extended his hand, palm up for the Sniper to jump onto to, which he did. Bringing the sniperoo up to eye level the Engineer let a short laugh as the Soldier lifted the brim of his helmet to get a better look at the Sniper, face set into a wide eyed expression of confusion. Classic Soldier.

"Ya look a lot happier than ye did before there, Slim," Engineer bounced the kangaroo on his hand gently.

Sniper shrugged, he hadn't realized that he was smiling, or at least, looking like a much happier kangaroo than he had before.

"Maybe zat near death experience sorted a few priorities in ze Snipers head, nein?" Medic speculated, moving forward towards his desk, absent mindedly flicking the glass wall of the tank making the SpyCrab scuttle away into some weeds.

Engineer and Soldier had turned to listen to the Medic, the man had that effect on people, the Medic still wasn't sure whether it was out of respect or fear, he guessed it was the latter. Once he was done they turned to look at the Sniper again, or the Engineer did at any rate, the only thing the Soldier could possibly see was the inside of his helmet, now that he had lowered it again, did the man have x-ray vision or something?

Sniper tapped the side of his snout with a paw, thinking, and then he shrugged.

_Guess that must be it._

"Oh dang! I'm sorry, I forgot, ya name's Sniperoo now, isn't it?" Engineer grinned at him as the Sniper shook a tiny fisted paw at him in mock anger.

* * *

That evening found the RED team all clustered around the little kangaroo, who was placed on a low table, everyone else all sat or perched on the sofa and chairs, with Pyro sat a little way over on top of the Kitchen counter. They were all staring at him and occasionally asking questions, or at least most of them were asking occasionally, Scout was simply flabbergasted, Medic was thinking quietly and Engineer didn't need to ask questions.

"I is sorry for throwing very baby kangaroo sniper when in jar," Heavy said leaning down to the Sniper with an apologetic face, "I did not know what else to do."

_No need to apologise, mate, if it weren't for you I'd be a gonna_

He remembered the conversation he'd had with the Engineer back in the MedBay.

- "I was so caught up with my resentment towards Spahs I just didn't think ta check that ye'd be alright, I'm sorry Slim," Engineer said softly, now carrying the Sniper on his shoulder, making his way out of the MedBay, Scout in the background squawking to the Medic about the Sniper.

Sniper responded by flicking the Engineer's ear and when the man turned his head Sniper simply grinned and raised an eyebrow as if to say 'going soft are we?'

Engineer had just snorted. –

Sniper gave a small smile up at the Heavy, took off his hat placing it over his chest and bowed.

"Heavy, if you had not done vat you did I doubt Herr Sniper would still be alive," Medic said quietly.

"Yeah man! You saved Scopes life!" Scout got up and threw himself over the back of the sofa to give the Heavy a clap on the back.

"Vich is rather ironic, is it not? Ve are all meant to be ruthless mercenaries…" Medic mused from his seat beside Heavy.

"Yeah but not our own team mates, man, that's just wrong," Scout leaned over to the Medic with a confused and slightly disgusted expression, balancing precariously over the back of the sofa on his stomach.

"Yuh, buf whf aul cm t lyg uchhufr," Pyro spoke up, looking around at them all, although it was clear no-one actually understood what the suited fellow had just said.

"… er, what?" Scout asked, blinking.

_Glad someone asked._

"I believe he said somezing along ze lines of us all becoming a team, a team vith vhich ve have become proud of and even formed friends with," Medic turned to raise an eyebrow up at the Heavy who responded with a short laugh.

"Heh, I guess Giggles has got a point dere, Doc!"

Scout grinned and flicked the brim of his hat up, looking over at the Pyro, who was looking back at him, arm extended hand pointing in Medics direction, clearly wondering why the Medic could understand him and no-one else could.

Sniper suddenly remembered something.

_Where's that bloody spook?_

He jumped up and down waving his arms to get someones attention.

"Aye, what's up there lad?" Demo turned from his conversation with the Soldier, which had consisted of mainly punches on the soldier and several hand gestures.

Now Sniper was stuck, how was he supposed to convey- light bulb moment. He hopped over to the edge of the table where the guys chucked their magazines and newspapers once they were done with them. He picked up a page and opened the first magazine on the pile, he found what he was after on the page and ripped it out. He turned to face the other men and held up the section he had torn out.

A cut out human face now resided at the end of his snout.

"Ah, the Spy, right?" Demo asked, looking sour, it was an odd expression to see on the man's face.

Sniper threw the cut out away and clapped his paws together, nodding at the Demo.

"Ah, that little traitor deserted on us! Just when I was gonna make the little rat squeal too!" Soldier fumed, folding his arms over his chest sulking.

Engineer leaned down to the Sniper and whispered behind his hand.

"Poor Solly, I think he was looking forward to it, but once we looked back after seeing you were still breathing the Spy had gone, Pyro even torched the place."

_That explains the scorch marks_, Sniper thought, eyeing the various sooty spots over by the cabinets and work top, Pyro currently next to it admiring his handiwork.

"Soldier even got out some special equipment - don't ask," Demo said in a stage whisper, in response to the Snipers raised eyebrows, "So we donnae know where the devil wen-"

"Gentlemen…?"

There was chaos. Soldier lept up with a roar of triumph and attempted to throw himself at the Spy, but was blocked by Demo tripping him as he yelled that he wanted to get to the 'damn frog' first. Scout, in his haste to move, ended up unbalanced and face-planting into the seat of the sofa between the Medic and the Heavy, who had both hastily pushed themselves away to the edges of the sofa. Engineer actually growled, scooping up the Sniper and placing him on the helmet on his head.

Spy simply blinked and then sighed.

"Alright," he said, shifted his weight onto one leg and waving his hand holding onto an ever-lit cigarette, "what have I done zis time?"

"What d'ya _mean_ what have ya done? Ya near enough killed Snipes!" Scout said incredulously, pointing at the miniature kangaroo, clinging to Engineers hat.

"… I beg your pardon," Spy asked, looking quite puzzled now.

"You . Nearly . Killed . Sni-per," Scout hissed, exaggerating each word clearly and slowly.

"I heard you ze first time boy, what I meant was why are you concerned about zis?"

Scout looked like he was about to explode.

"I vas not avare that ve vould be killing our own teammates," Medic sniffed, fixing the Spy with a disappointed glare.

Again the Spy was silent for a moment and then-

"Ze _RED_ Sniper? Why would I want to kill him? We have our differences certainly and we can never agree, but he certainly does paint a wonderful picture when ze back of zat copycats head explodes onto a wall … and why in ze hell is zere a tiny kangaroo on ze Engineer's hat?"

Silence.

"That's the Sniper," Scout finally said, dumbly sticking his thumb over his shoulder at the pair in question.

"Ve don't know either," Medic supplied as the Spy looked even more confused and slightly irritated.

"Hang on! Are you tellin' us that you have no idea what's going on?" Soldier asked, extracting himself from the tussle he'd been having with the Demo and approaching the Spy.

The Spy simply gave him a look, a look that implied a face-palm that everyone knew wasn't necessary.

"Then who was Spy?" Heavy asked, looking, as always, to the Medic for his answer.

Sniper gritted his teeth and snarled. The BLU Spy was in the base.

* * *

**I'm so sorry, I forgot I had run out of pre-written stuff and the first half of this chapter took me ages to write, the second half coming out in less than an hour (why?) FILLER CHAPTER! hahaha, not much going on, I know, but someone managed to get the clues to the Spy problem, kudos to Vidar – I hoped someone did.**

**So many accents! My mind just sounds like these accents now. As for the 'waffle' at the beginning, eh, I was listening to X Men: FC soundtrack *headdesk* Also you _totally_ can't tell who my favourites are… not at all. Now, I'm off to walk my dog and go for a jog.  
**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Back to work, you too Sniperoo

Each of the men went and searched every room, they didn't find anyone or any trace of the BLU Spy within their base, they came back into the kitchen-sitting area and were met by their Spy laughing. The Spy had stayed behind in the room, as he didn't see the point in exerting himself unless absolutely necessary; he wasn't lazy, he just didn't believe in wasting energy he may need at any moment. He also didn't see the point of all of them physically searching for someone who, he knew damn well, wouldn't let himself be seen.

"What are you laughing at Frenchie!" Soldier shouted

"Mon ami, do you really zink he is going to let himself be found, after what he has done to one of your teammates?" the Spy gestured towards the Sniperoo, who was being picked off Engineer's hat, "honestly, just send ze retched Pyro round ze place."

The Pyro let out a delighted, albeit muffled, squeal and pelted from the room. They heard the tell tale 'whoosh' of his flamethrower as he made his way down the corridor, no doubt with a steady stream of fire before him.

"I almost feel sorry for my duplicate, ze way our Pyro delights in setting him alight, then again," he took away his cigarette and let out a puff of smoke, "he does make a very entertaining noise, rather akin to ze sounds of Opera."

"How can ya' feel sorry for dat dick?" Scout asked, a very disapproving frown marring his face.

"Did you not hear? I said 'almost'," Spy smirked, "While I do not regret his demise in ze slightest, it does not mean I cannot empathise with it, after all I have been subjected to said treatment myself."

"Yeah, but not as much as da Bluey, right?" Scout returned, smirking too now at the thought of the sneaky bastard up in flames.

"But of course."

"I hate to break up vhat is getting alarmingly close to a civil conversation between you two, but ve have pressing matters to attend to," Medic interrupted, taking Sniperoo from the Engineer and placing him on the Kitchen counter.

"Such as?" Scout asked.

"Like vhat are we going to do about Herr Sniper here?" Medic tapped the counter just by Sniperoo.

"Ah," was the general response to that question.

"Doc? Cannae ya do anything about it?" Demo asked, eyes going from Sniperoo to the Medic, surprise evident on his face.

"I am many things, Herr Demo, a magician is not one of zem," Medic pushed his glasses back up his nose again, "However, if ve truly vish to get to ze source of all of zis zen ve are going to have to 'acquire'," he raised a hand and made quotation marks, "ourselves a Medic who is."

"Alright!" Scout smacked a fist into his other palm, "smash and grab?"

The other men simply looked at him as Spy raised a hand and cuffed him round the ear.

"What?" Scout yelped, clutching his ear and shuffling away from the Spy.

"Actually," Engineer sighed, "I think we're gonna have to wait for tomorrow," he looked down at Sniperoo apologetically, "we have a battle in about thirty minutes and we need to think of where we can keep you safe."

Sniperoo bounced in front of Engineer, chittering and tutting at him indignantly.

"We can't have ye just bouncing around with bullets, bombs, rockets, fire and god only knows what else out there, especially as we don't know whether the respawn will work with ye now."

The Engineer had a point, a rather alarming point. Sniperoo clearly didn't see it this way and turned his back on the Engineer, folding his arms across his chest.

"Dah, but he has point tiny baby kangaroo," Heavy said, crouching down until his face was level with Sniperoo, "you could also be squished."

"Now, hold up dere guys!" Scout broke in, raising his hands out in a 'stop' gesture, "why can't he go out? Ever since dis happened to him you've all been treatin' him like glass. He seems to take care of himself quite well when he's snipin' _by himself,_ and why wouldn't the respawn work? It's still him!"

"Aye, but the wee fella's a bit … what's the word?" Demo asked, scratching his chin.

"Vulnerable," Engineer said quietly.

Sniperoo made his opinion on that word quite known, he hopped over to the Scout and took a huge leap up onto his shoulder, where he turned round to face the hard –hatted man and snuffed.

"Heh," Scout grinned cheekily back at Engineer, "looks like he's made his mind up"

"GOOD FOR YOU SOLDIER! THAT'S THE SPIRIT! ain't nothing' gonna change you, and nobody else, not on my watch!" Soldier roared, going over and standing beside the Scout.

Demo sighed, looked at Engineer apologetically and dragged himself over to lean, rather heavily, against the Soldier. Heavy seemed rather indecisive, he glanced over at Medic, but as usual the man was keeping his neutral ground, always the mediator. Spy just stood to one side in a way that clearly conveyed that he just did not give a fuck.

"Ok, Ok," Engineer made calming gestures with his hands, "I was just tryin' to point out some issues, plus, the thing is, ergh, how are ye' gonna' be able to help us?" Sniperoo cocked his head to one side, arms dropping to his sides, "we keep saying it, but you are _tiny_ and you don't exactly have vicious teeth, claws or venom that you could use."

Again, Engineer brought the discussion to a grinding halt as yet another valid point was made by the problem solver, or in this case, problem _highlighter._

"Mini rifle?" Scout suggested.

Even the Soldier had to smack him one round the head for that comment, as Demoman chocked on his Scrumpy and Medic raised his eyes to the ceiling. Sniperoo snorted, turned to Scouts face and held his arms out as if he was holding an actual rifle, he then wiggled his fingers, or rather the four appendages, would be fingers, which made his paws.

"Oh, right," Scout fell silent for a second then snapped his fingers and turned to Engineer again, "what about a mini huntsman?"

Medic nearly rolled his eyes, as this whole situation was getting thoroughly ridiculous and Demoman looked as if he were about to drown in his alcoholic beverage because he kept holding back a laugh, but the Engineer looked thoughtful.

"Now that you mention it, if I could find something with enough tension in it, and knock the heads off some nails and sharpen them enough, maybe…" he trailed off, thinking hard and then he grinned, "Oh, I can't wait to see those BLU yella-bellied runt's faces when they get pelted by nails from something they can't see."

_And Engineer's back with us again_, Sniper thought whimsically.

* * *

"_5 minutes_ until Mission Start"

Sniper was back on his preferred perch, that being Engineer's shoulder, as they all waited for the gates to rise. Pyro was getting particularly antsy, flaming the grill in the vain hope that it would either melt the metal or speed up time, Soldier waiting, face literally pressed against the grill, Rocket launcher over his shoulder ready to blast the first poor unfortunate in his line of sight. Demo was hanging back next to the Heavy and Medic, ready to launch a barrage of bombs over his team's heads and into the battle field, clearing the way for the tank team that stood next to him to sweep into the field. The Spy was nowhere to be seen, go figure.

"Hey, have ya' actually looked at ya'self since you turned into _dat_," Scout suddenly popped into Sniper's line of vision and waved at his general appearance.

_Now that you mention it_, Sniper shook his head.

Scout produced a mirror shard from behind his back and held it out in front of the Sniperoo.

"Why do you have zat in your pocket?" Spy asked from the ether.

"Because fuck you, dat's why," Scout grunted, not rising to the Spy's obvious attempt to scare him.

Sniper didn't hear the exchange or the increasing insults that followed; he looked at himself fully in the mirror, for the first time he saw himself and what he'd become. He was about 15 cm tall, wearing his hat and aviators that still hadn't slipped off his nose and his grey jacket complete with miniaturized bullets. His fur was mostly a reddish brown, with dark red tips at the extremities of his paws, tail and ears, which stood tall and framed his hat but he had cream coloured fur on his front and underneath his paws. Still had his numerous scars though. He traced one of them through his fur and felt oddly pleased to still have them, evidence of what he had been through and achieved. He picked at the glove that he still wore on one paw and adjusted the miniature version of the huntsmen the Engineer had made him – using half a coil from a spring that had originally resided in one of Engineer's new projects, Sniper assumed this was, in a way, an apology.

"_30 seconds_"

"ALL RIGHT MEN! WE ARE GOING TO GO OUT THERE AND CONQUER THAT PLAYING FIELD, ARE WE MEN?"

"YEAH!" was the response from 7 men.

Soldier ducked his head slightly at Engineers chuckling; he turned to face him and saw a none-too-pleased kangaroo, tapping his foot in irritation on Engineers shoulder.

"… and Kangaroo?" Soldier finished lamely.

Sniper grinned punching a paw into the air.

_Never underestimate a creature by its size alone; small doesn't always mean harmless_.

* * *

Half way through the battle Sniper had found a very sharp shard of metal, he held it tight in his gloved paw and lay in wait behind a crate at the entrance to a tunnel. Normally, Engineer would have set a sentry up in the alcove to the left of it, but the BLU's had decided to use a different route today and he had set up operation elsewhere, but every once in a while a straggler would try their luck.

Who on earth would think to look down for a tiny attacker on this battlefield. They decided to re-think that assumption once their tendons had been cut and blood spurted out from the backs of their ankles, leaving them either stranded on the floor or hobbling for their Medic.

_Poor Bloody pikers,_ Sniper sighed, unsympathetic in their cries of agony.

Normally, he didn't like causing drawn out pain, his method was quick efficiency, but he felt, being what he was at the moment, that he could let the BLU's suffer without remorse. He bounced away happily, past the Scout he had just lacerated, giving a mock salute as he went in response to the boy's incredulous expression.

* * *

"Having fun are we?"

Engineer had turned from upgrading a dispenser; his previous had been destroyed by a rogue rocket, into its final stage, to see Sniper sitting in the tripod mechanism that held up his finished sentry.

Sniper nodded, he raised the bow he was holding and bowed in way of thanks.

"I keep hearin' about these little "accidents" that kept happenin' to those BLU's, something about ankles bein' sliced open, ye' wouldn't happen to know anything about that now would ya?" Engineer placed his hands on his hips, narrowly avoiding a dismembered arm that came soaring through the air by a well placed sticky bomb.

Sniper shook his head and shrugged. Engineer chuckled, turning around to face Soldier who was giving him ideas on Sentry placements.

As the conversation between the Engineer and the Soldier progressed, Sniper kept himself alert and watchful, a constant lookout. A slight smell of smoke wafted passed the Sniper's senses, a soft chuckle and the rustle of clothing.

Muscle memory, honed from his own encounters with a certain son-of-a-bitch backstabber, drove him as he turned round, raised the armed bow, pulled the wire back taut and released.

The BLU Spy howled in pain as the nail shot out from underneath the Sentry he was about to Sap and buried itself into his eye. He de-cloaked immediately and clutched his face, blood seeping out from beneath his fingers, staining his gloves and running down his face, but the scene lasted for less than a second as the Sentry beeped, recognising an enemy within it's range. The ever dutiful machine fired everything it had at the Spy, along the Engineer turning on the sneak in blue, letting loose several rounds from his shotgun and the Soldier blasting the area with rockets in every direction.

Sniper just smirked and gave the Spy the middle finger.

"Head shot wanker."

* * *

**HOLIDAYS = no motivation *cries*this hasn't been BETA'd yet, i'm uploading in a hurry, please excuse any grammar or spelling issues  
THANKYOU for all the reviews I have, tbh, I was expected this to go under the radar  
**

**anyway, this is was the design I came up with for Sniperoo before I started writing this - http:/i49(.)tinypic(.)com/2mfbxwy(.)jpg**


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